EarMitts

I apologize if I have alarmed you, my loyal reader(s), through my prolonged absence. But really, you need have only used your own logical faculties to reason that my disappearance was not permanent. Why, how could I fulfill my destiny and lead the masses to a bloody coup before establishing the New World Order? I couldn't, of course. So I must not have disappeared forever.

No, I was merely laid low by a perennial illness that mimics a mild flu and ear infection. You see, if I am exposed to cold air, especially cold wind, my ears will inevitably ache terribly some hours later. Then flu-like symptoms follow, and only through the application of warmth to my ears does the agony cease. Sometimes I am sick for days.

This evening, after taking a bath that was far too hot, I came to realize something new: not everybody gets puking sick when they take an overly warm bath! My wife, wise woman that she is, pointed this out to me. After She Who Must Be Obeyed spoke, I thought further on the matter and reasoned that the Japanese, who love absurdly - in fact uncomfortably - hot baths, would all come crawling out and succumb to overwhelming nausea if my situation was true for everyone.

My best hypothesis is that my inner ear is so sensitive that these excesses of hot and cold cause me considerable illness. Perhaps fluid is perpetually trapped in my inner ear. I have searched far and wide on the Internet for the answer to my dilemma, in search of the wisdom of an eagerly blogging ENT, but to no avail. All I have discovered is that there are others who share my malady.

I also stumbled onto EarMitts, the product of an enterprising teenager from my own home state of Idaho. I won't be buried in sexual advances from amorous women while wearing them, but I'm game to give them a try.

Besides, I've always wondered what I would look like in Princess Leia buns.